SWEATHOGS - 12 RULES FOR GYM ETIQUETTE
A little flabby after xmas? Feel you need to get into shape? Well the gym is a good start, but like the old USSR, it has some strict, unwritten rules that you should adhere to – or you might wake up in a frozen potato field missing your spine.
1. If you’re going to spot someone doing chest presses, make sure you wear underwear AND that they are clean.
2. Make sure the gym towel you use to wipe the machines is not the same towel you dry your nuts with after a shower.
3. If you’re going to stare at someone’s ass, make sure they have a face to match.
4. Lycra shorts or a speedo will only be tolerated if you’re European or training for the olympics.
5. Don’t work out with your girlfriend – and please don’t wear matching track suits!
6. Don’t wear jeans – what is this, a Bon Jovi concert?
7. Don’t wear ‘pollyshorts’… regardless of what you’ve convinced yourself, they look crap and your boys will pop out at some point.
8. The bathrooms are not some sort of nudist nightclub – dancing or prancing will not be tolerated.
9. Never let your balls touch anything – the sink, the bench, another gym patron… nothing!
10. If you drop your soap in the shower…bend at the knees, not at the waist.
11. If the guy showering next to you drops his soap, immediately turn and look at the ceiling while he picks it up.
12. Never offer to put lotion on anyone in the locker room. Likewise, never ask for lotion to be put on you.
A little flabby after xmas? Feel you need to get into shape? Well the gym is a good start, but like the old USSR, it has some strict, unwritten rules that you should adhere to – or you might wake up in a frozen potato field missing your spine.
1. If you’re going to spot someone doing chest presses, make sure you wear underwear AND that they are clean.
2. Make sure the gym towel you use to wipe the machines is not the same towel you dry your nuts with after a shower.
3. If you’re going to stare at someone’s ass, make sure they have a face to match.
4. Lycra shorts or a speedo will only be tolerated if you’re European or training for the olympics.
5. Don’t work out with your girlfriend – and please don’t wear matching track suits!
6. Don’t wear jeans – what is this, a Bon Jovi concert?
7. Don’t wear ‘pollyshorts’… regardless of what you’ve convinced yourself, they look crap and your boys will pop out at some point.
8. The bathrooms are not some sort of nudist nightclub – dancing or prancing will not be tolerated.
9. Never let your balls touch anything – the sink, the bench, another gym patron… nothing!
10. If you drop your soap in the shower…bend at the knees, not at the waist.
11. If the guy showering next to you drops his soap, immediately turn and look at the ceiling while he picks it up.
12. Never offer to put lotion on anyone in the locker room. Likewise, never ask for lotion to be put on you.
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